Info about Dating
How to find your Mr or Ms absolutely right
In dating, perhaps more than in any other aspect of life, you've got to be in a position to know when to quit and move on, and how to cope when things don't work out as you would have wished. If you're reckless or you panic, if you say or do the wrong thing, or do the right thing but at the wrong time, the consequences can be irreversible, emotionally damaging, life threatening or life producing. That's why we are going to proceed progressively through the dating process.
If you haven't dated for 10,20,30 years, or if you went out last night on a date and made a real hash of things, or if you did everything right but it just didn't work out, don't worry, we'll get things sorted, and we will keep on going until you do meet Mr. or Ms Absolutely Right. We won't quit until you are happy, together and destined to become a magnificent twosome ¡ª with the sole proviso being that you are determined to succeed.
Even in this age of off-planet tourist travel (Thank you, Virgin!), most people find their partner within five miles of their own front door, their local supermarket or their place of work. When it comes to potential partners, the streets really are paved with gold. But do you know how to prospect for this human gold?
You know how you spend your time. Does it bring you in contact with new people in the right bracket? If you stay at home a lot, cooking, cleaning, watching telly, looking after children, working from home, etc, do you make time for meeting new people? Probably not. So, you're going to have to make changes!
Perhaps you do meet new people but you still haven't met the right person. Does this not suggest that changes have to be made, this time focusing on you?
Let's look at your lifestyle and see how many different ways you can find to work a new strategy into your day-to-day routine. I'll give you a few examples of how other people have turned the pavements to gold by introducing date-yielding changes to their general way of doing things and then you decide what variations in routine will be comfortable for you.
Bit by bit, as you fit these new arrangements into your everyday life, you should find that life becomes more interesting and that you are meeting more eligible people. Now that you know the sort of qualities you are looking for in a potential partner, it will be so much easier to recognize someone who embodies those special qualities when you meet them. Keep on with this strategy, adjusting your approach from time to time, if you feel the need.
What about using your shopping time? In addition to doing your usual shopping routine, take in some stores where your kind of partner is likely to be. Mind you, this can be tricky so be prepared to experiment Few of us get it right first time!
On the way home, where, naturally, if it's a man you're after, you will have taken a good look in the men's clothing department of your local department store, you might want to call by a couple of health clubs to check out the man factor. You don't have to join, or even exercise, just tell the club's receptionist that you want to see the facilities on offer and ask for a free conducted tour. If your type of men is pumping iron all over the place, it might be in your interest to join. Ice-skating and rollerblading rinks are well worth a try, too. Men just love to help beginners like you.
If you are bored one Saturday afternoon, you might want to team up with a girlfriend and try your luck at a football, rugby or polo match. Don't be put off by TV portrayal of football hooliganism; there's lots of congenial socializing that goes on before and after the whistle, and at half time! There will be no shortage of single men of all ages there, most of them, decent blokes, and, as a spectator, it doesn't matter how little you know about the sport. Just say, when you get chatting, you fancied doing something different for a change!
On the assumption that you are a single, straight guy going out for your solo-shop, think where your ideal woman is likely to be and take in the cosmetic counters and the women's clothing departments. No need to be embarrassed, you could be considering a birthday present for your sister! But you will not be asked to explain.
If you normally have your hair cut at a barber¡¯s shop, changes to a unisex salon, and doesn¡¯t rule out the occasional visit to an alternative health centre for an Indian head massage or an aromatherapy session. Bookshops, music stores, art galleries and exhibitions are great places for both sexes to check out because people seem to linger for longer and mere are many opportunities to ask questions and get talking.
We have been concentrating on the customers or users of these places. Don't forget the staff! A hair percentage of them will be standing there wishing and hoping that Mr. or Ms Absolutely Right would walk into their life.
Open days and trial sessions for adult education classes is fertile territory for meeting positively minded people of the opposite sex, or the same sex, if you are that way inclined, because you are all in the same boat, you're all on a learning curve. There is much to talk about Don't just consider courses that naturally interest you, think also about which classes your ideal partner might find interesting! Cooking classes can be a good bet because you sometimes get lots of single and divorced men and women on courses like these.
If you have school-age kids, school fund-raising events yield more than money; they generate single parents, male and female, by the carload. If your kids left school years ago, how about computer-programming, drama, writing or painting classes?
No matter what age you are, events like the London Marathon, Henley Regatta, Notting Hill Carnival, Glastonbury and the Motor Show and venues such as the Eden Project generate tens of thousands of interesting people, many of them single, who are intent on enjoying life. I have mentioned only a few such events in the south-east and south-west of England, but there are many more all over the country and in countries throughout the world. The important message here is get outside, mingle, engage others in conversation and get yourself a date with someone fabulous. Generally, people at events like this are feeling happy, excited and in the right frame of mind to be friendly towards you.
Feeling brave? What do you really enjoy doing? Is it something that others could be interested in learning more about? You may be the very person your local adult education college is looking for. Approach them! Who knows, Mr. or Ms Absolutely Right might be the first person to walk straight in through the classroom door. One thing that is for sure: if you meet your prospective partner this way, you will share at least one keen interest right away.
Do you live in a rural area? Use the local village hall to start a social club for single people. Put up notices in surrounding villages. As the host, you're in a position to talk to everyone that comes. Just imagine how much this will help your chances of dating to spiral up!
Saturday nights! What do you normally do? Stay in and watch TV, dial out for a takeaway, or go round to a friend's house for a chink and a chat? If so, why not link up with someone more outgoing and have Saturday night out on the town? A quick look in your local paper's 'What's on' guide will give you options galore.
Some of the established wine clubs have wine-tasting sessions over the weekend, or you could join a singles club. Many of them cater for all age groups and they organize many different events, some of which may appeal to you. Let your friends know that you're doing things the countdown way from now on and you would appreciate it if they invited you to parties and events where other singles will be there, too.
Many people meet their partners through work. If you work for a medium or large organization, make a point of going to social get-togethers even if you found previous occasions to be something of a non-event. You only have to be lucky once.
Business or employee training courses can be another source of meeting new people, where there is often a natural feeling of camaraderie among the delegates. Find out about courses that would be beneficial to your employer for you to attend - no matter how small an employer you work for ¡ª and suggest they book you on the course at the firm's expense.
Not exciting enough for you? Well, how about the occasional night out at a casino? You don't need to spend more than a tenner having a flutter on the slot machines and I would advise you not to gamble unless you know what you're doing and you can afford to do it. But these days it's not all gangsters, rogues and compulsive gamblers. Decent people go there too, and many of them are single!
No money to flutter? Okay, but here's a time-proven method that gets results time after time, no matter where you live ¡ª and you are paid, too! Work two or three shifts a week in a pub or a wine bar. Twenty-five years ago my sister's first husband walked out on her, leaving her devastated and broke, with two very young kids to look after. Although she was accustomed to working in a bank, she took a part-time job in a pub and within a few short months she met the man that was to be her future husband and they continue to be very happily married to this day.
My first wife Valerie, although we lived in north London when we split up, decided to go into central London to expand her range of social contacts. She worked for a short time in a pub close to New Scotland Yard. It wasn't long before she met a sparky and loving detective who swept her off* her feet and they too have been happily married ever since.
To sum up, you have a lot more chance of pulling across the bar than in it, but don't make the mistake of working in your local pub. The idea is to meet new people, not the same old crowd!
What do you usually do on Sundays? Do you have your newspaper delivered and read it leisurely at home? Cancel it! Take a stroll or a drive to your nearest newsagent and buy it, then relax and enjoy reading it in public, on a park bench, in a wine bar or at a place that serves good coffee. Choose a seat where you're easily visible; there's life out there and there is someone who really wants to meet you. Perhaps this person is a friend of a friend?
The very next time you see someone you like the look of but you don't know personally, at a friend's party, in a neighbor¡¯s garden, chatting to someone you know in your local supermarket, take a deep breath and summon up the courage to introduce yourself. If you don't feel able to do that, that's okay but don't be coy about asking your friend or neighbor if they're single. If so, drop some hints that you would very much appreciate an introduction.
Let's get some high-octane action going here! Friends can turn out to be an absolute goldmine when it comes to putting one and one together at a dinner party, and sparking a date that fits! But, usually, they must be asked. Most friends don't go willingly into matchmaking mode without plenty of encouragement and a few gentle reminders from you. Who do you know that might enjoy acting as Cupid for you? Make a list now of people who could help you and add more names to the list as they come to mind, as they will do, over the course of the next few days.
When you're in the mood (a glass of wine or a stiff gin and tonic generally helps), give each of them a ring. Don't sound like a wimp, or a robotic beggar on a mission from some American dating programmer; say something like, 'Hi, I'm bored! Any chance you're free this evening/next week for a mad night out? Got any interesting single mates?' If this suggestion fills you with trepidation, remind yourself that more people meet their partners through a friend or a friend of a friend than any other method of introduction currently available.